Exercises in imagry
In Blamires book the first exercise is that we have to imagine how Ireland was transformed into the land it is today by the people/Peoples who claimed sovereignty over it. Then we are to compare it to our own lives and how people who have effected us have shaped us into the persons we are today starting from our earliest memories.
I've been influenced by many people throughout my short life...this is going to get kind of personal...I'm kind of dubious.
Its not exactly comforting that nobody reads this.
Logically...according to many studies the most influential persons in someones life will be thier family or the persons who raised them.
I was no different except for the fact that what my family didn't do influenced me more on a basic level than what they in fact did do.
I'm kind of gearing myself up for a long rant on the injustice of physical abuse right?
Well, only partially.
Or mostly, depending on how you look at it.
One of my most profound memories is of when my mother pushed me into a metal bed frame while she ransacked my messy room. I cut my foot rather badly and had to go to the hospital for stitches. I still have the scar.
While that in itself was shocking, her reaction was what sticks with me.
She never admitted that she had caused the injury.
Never. Not once did she apologize for that or anything else that she's done.
My mother is a very violent person both in temperament and in action.
When she wasn't being physically abusive she would tear both me and my sister down with her cutting words.
How did this effect me?
Well, as a empath and just an emotionally sensitive child...I was practically crippled in the emotional sense.
She practically single handedly destroyed my sense of empathy because I had to block out all of the negativity that was streaming from her 24/7.
Feelings and emotions were the two things that were very much taboo in my home growing up, and to this day.
Both of my parents were at fault with this and my lack of boundaries. They NEVER follow through with anything, and I never learned to respect them because of that. I also have big issues with follow through. Big problem is HS and College.
My totem/spirit guide is a Grizzly bear...that should be self explainatory.
Neugen was a 'friend' from Elementary that used me so many times that I felt I couldn't trust anyone. I still have major trust issues that are causing real problems in my BF/GF relationships right now.
On a more positive note....my love of reading comes from when my parents would read to me at night when I was very young. My Mother's love of art was instilled in me and my sister's from an early age. I have a sense of propriety if not fashion sense and I know when to keep my mouth shut.
Mostly because I would be smacked around if I didn't...
I learned from my mother that all men are pigs....not totally true because my Dad is a saint to stay with my mother.
I get my ability to forgive from my Mother's stubborn inability to do so.
I am very ill-equipped to function independently in the world, but thanks to my friends outside the home I am aware of it.
The cruelty of elementary made me into an introvert on an extreme level.
In all I know I have many influences that go beyond the physical.
I am also aware that I am only influenced by people that I give sovereignty to, whether they deserve it or not.
I am also an influence on others whether I am aware or not. I need to keep stock of this in everything I do.
Realizing this and taking responsibility for my actions is only the first step. Actively making changes for the betterment of yourself and others in next.
I've been influenced by many people throughout my short life...this is going to get kind of personal...I'm kind of dubious.
Its not exactly comforting that nobody reads this.
Logically...according to many studies the most influential persons in someones life will be thier family or the persons who raised them.
I was no different except for the fact that what my family didn't do influenced me more on a basic level than what they in fact did do.
I'm kind of gearing myself up for a long rant on the injustice of physical abuse right?
Well, only partially.
Or mostly, depending on how you look at it.
One of my most profound memories is of when my mother pushed me into a metal bed frame while she ransacked my messy room. I cut my foot rather badly and had to go to the hospital for stitches. I still have the scar.
While that in itself was shocking, her reaction was what sticks with me.
She never admitted that she had caused the injury.
Never. Not once did she apologize for that or anything else that she's done.
My mother is a very violent person both in temperament and in action.
When she wasn't being physically abusive she would tear both me and my sister down with her cutting words.
How did this effect me?
Well, as a empath and just an emotionally sensitive child...I was practically crippled in the emotional sense.
She practically single handedly destroyed my sense of empathy because I had to block out all of the negativity that was streaming from her 24/7.
Feelings and emotions were the two things that were very much taboo in my home growing up, and to this day.
Both of my parents were at fault with this and my lack of boundaries. They NEVER follow through with anything, and I never learned to respect them because of that. I also have big issues with follow through. Big problem is HS and College.
My totem/spirit guide is a Grizzly bear...that should be self explainatory.
Neugen was a 'friend' from Elementary that used me so many times that I felt I couldn't trust anyone. I still have major trust issues that are causing real problems in my BF/GF relationships right now.
On a more positive note....my love of reading comes from when my parents would read to me at night when I was very young. My Mother's love of art was instilled in me and my sister's from an early age. I have a sense of propriety if not fashion sense and I know when to keep my mouth shut.
Mostly because I would be smacked around if I didn't...
I learned from my mother that all men are pigs....not totally true because my Dad is a saint to stay with my mother.
I get my ability to forgive from my Mother's stubborn inability to do so.
I am very ill-equipped to function independently in the world, but thanks to my friends outside the home I am aware of it.
The cruelty of elementary made me into an introvert on an extreme level.
In all I know I have many influences that go beyond the physical.
I am also aware that I am only influenced by people that I give sovereignty to, whether they deserve it or not.
I am also an influence on others whether I am aware or not. I need to keep stock of this in everything I do.
Realizing this and taking responsibility for my actions is only the first step. Actively making changes for the betterment of yourself and others in next.
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